While I was lying on bed..staring at my baby blue painted ceiling, I began thinking 'bout alot of stuff. Yes, I do think alot when I'm alone and most of the time, it's about relationships. Can't help it really.

These 3 words :

I Love You

Began to feel like such strong words. I'm sure most of you have watched a movie/drama series where there's this scene of a guy/girl confessing their love to their partner by saying "I Love You" and the partner goes all crazy and starts uttering words like "what?? you love me?!". The reaction from such a confession would either be:

1. Says "I love you too" with tears in the eyes because he/she is over-joyed (okay, maybe without the tears)
   
2. Runs away in fear of a commitment only to regret later
   

I've always wondered...hah, it's only I-Love-You. 3 words. What's the big deal? Why would anyone be afraid of saying it to their partner? I say it all the time. Everytime I get into a new relationship, we'd start saying I Love You's immediately and I never found it to be difficult to say before.

But I guess..this is something I learned from the past. I can no longer say I-Love-You to just anyone. I know now..how important these words are and how meaningfull it can be.

I've begun to realise why people are afraid to say it. They're afraid that it might ruin the happiness of the relationship that they're having at the moment and what not. They're giving themselves reasons after reasons as to why they shouldn't. I don't really know how to explain this, sorry. You just gotta experience this for yourselves. Then..you will know. =)

I would also like to emphasize on the choices we have to make. Look, in life we're given the choice of being good or bad, being an optimistic person or a pessimist and etc. It's all up to you and you can blame no one for what you've become. Sure, there may be people who have walked in an out of your life and hurt you along the way, but there's a choice right there : to dwell in the past or to look at the past as a lesson to be learned and to get up again, stronger than before. I used to be the person who dwelled in my past. Blaming my past for the lack of trust that I have in guys and all that.

I used think that "all guys are bastards and not one of them are worth trusting because no matter what you do it's never enough and they're just un-appreciative. Being a jerk is in their blood. They're born with it. The guy whole "guy" package includes lies+hurt+backstabbing+ONLY nice when they're courting you and after getting you, they'd treat you like dirt+perverts"

However, I've given so much thought about it (it took me years to actually clear my mind from the past to figure this out), and I decided that I must be happy and to leave all those past hurt behind. It's time for me to start afresh. No matter what happens, life goes on and guys are still gonna be there whether I like it or not...Plus, obviously I'm gonna be with one guy for the rest of my life someday. So, I guess I'll just have to take my chances. =)

Guys, trust is a really big thing for a girl. So please, when you do have that complete trust from your girl, never try to break it deliberately. It will be very difficult for her to gain that trust for you again and trust me when I say, it friggin' hurts when you trust someone so completely to find that person breaking it is like digging out your heart and smashing it into a billion pieces, rolling it over with a truck, mashing it up, spitting on it and throwing it into a rubbish bin. NO, I'm not exaggerating.

That's all. Good day, ppl. ;)