*This post would be quite long. To those of you who are too lazy to read my uber long posts, don't read. Cuz it's mainly posted for myself. Memories I want to keep :)*

..some nights you'd just toss and turn in your bed, thinking about everything you ever went through..
For the past few nights I've been doing that.
I've been thinking about all the 'first time' 's I've experienced.

I remember when I was 4 I attended my first kindergarden class.
My mom dressed me in this maroon pinafore, combed my hair, packed my bags and off we went. I was wondering "where am I going?". Then..I reached this place..it was filled with girls and boys dressed like me! I walked into this class, and the first thing I remember was a large apple made of coloured paper and within it were smaller apples bearing names of the students in the class.
There was a teacher, she wore specs and she looked really fierce (or was it all in my head at that time?). There were ALOT of parents standing outside the class although studies have begun. I constantly looked out in search of my mother. As long as she was there, I would be fine, I told myself. BUT, there was this really LOONNGG wooden ruler at the blackboard and when she lifted it to draw a line, I assumed she was gonna whack me with it and I burst out crying and I ran out of the class. I cried to my mother telling her I wanna go home. For a few days after that I refused to go to kindergarden until my mom bribbed me with "if you go to school everyday, I will take you kai kai (shopping) every weekend". And that's when I started going to school. Oh, and I also remember sitting on my dad's lap pretending to drive while my dad was driving me to kindergarden in his Volvo. :)

I remember when I was 5, my parents decided to take me for ballet classes. I distinctly remember dancing to the tune "rock-a-by-baby". At that time, I was still making sure that my mom was standing outside the studio. The moment she disappears even for one second, I would cry. Piano classes were better because my mom had to sit beside me, it was a rule for all the students at that time. The teacher would play a simple tune, and we would try to follow. I remember hammering/banging on the keys of the piano imagining I'm playing as well as the piano teacher. At that time, I couldn't understand why the piano teacher keeps coming over to my piano asking me to stop. I guess I wasn't very talented at the music department. sigh.

I remember when I was 6, it was the first time I liked a boy. Believe it or not, I still remember his name : Choy Kin Fung (not sure about the spelling). Me and my best friend Ng Xi Mae used to like the same guy! But we didn't mind, cuz best friends shares everything. hehe. Anyway, it was also the first time I wrote a LOVE note supposedly professing my love for this boy. I was thinking "should I or should I not blog about it". Finally decided that I should, just for memories. hehe. Here's how the note sounds :

I like purple umbrella
you like purple umbrella
I like dog
you like dog
I like tortoise
you like tortoise..

And the list goes on and on and on about "i like and you like",
Finally ends with

I like you
You like me too!

wah, I'm super thick face when I was young. Un-believeable. And it was supposed to be a LETTER not a poem. I had limited vocabulary, so there ya have it, a love letter by an average 6 year old.

When I was 7, I remember thinking "I'm becoming a big girl"! I'm going to a REAL SCHOOL! Standard 1 la..WAAAHHHH
When my mother wanted to carry my bag for me, I proudly said "no mommy, I must carry my own bag, because I'm not in kindergarden anymore".
The moment I stepped into school, I was amazed at how many people there were!

All the way from Standard 1-6, I HATED boys. I told my parents "I will never have a boyfriend, I will never get married. Boys are disgusting and ew-y and stupid".
Parents said "don't be too sure" and they smiled.
I also constantly wondered how it was like to be in SECONDARY school.

I entered secondary school when I was 11 going on 12 because I'm a pts student (skipped standard 4). The moment I put on my pinafore and stepped into form 1, there was this sudden change in me. I felt matured, I felt older, I felt as though I could accomplish everything in life. Most of my friends were transferred from Sri Selangor to SMKSJ for half a year while waiting for the completion of the nearby schools. I had friends in different classes except mine, I knew NO ONE and I got quite freaked out because, you know, since it's form 1 and all. Big deal. I remember it was the first time I saw guys beginning to take interest in girls, not me but my girl friends. I still looked like a typical small girl with my mushroom head cut during that time. My friends began having boyfriends and I began wondering how was it like? But I wasn't in a need to have a boyfriend. Just curious, yet I loved my life then.

From form 1-5, I would say my life was smooth sailing all the way. Nothing really depressing ever happened to me back then I was loved by my friends. At that time I constantly wondered how it would be like to be in college. How fun it would be to dress however we want? To be able to bring phones freely? And all I hear about the handsome hunks at college? I was so curious to know.

When I entered college at 16 going on 17,
I felt excited. It was THE beginning of another stage of my life.
The first time I stepped into college, I felt as though my life has just begun. I kept thinking about all the wonderfull possibilities college has to offer in terms of friends.

At 17+ there was this guy whom I first introduced to my parents as my boyfriend. I began to go out more and made new friends. I used to stay at home 24/7.

From then on, I started to learn about life.
I was SO used to my lovely life since I was a baby that I never knew that the world was so cruel and so unforgiving. It kinda shocked me. I didn't know how people could possibly hurt from love because I used to be so, very, very, naive.

Now that I'm almost approaching 20, I realise that everything happens for a reason and nothing will last forever. The good and the bad alike. I'm still in the process of learning. :)